Saturday, August 19, 2006

A conversation with God

I was quite puzzled with few things in my life,
how come I am like this,
I had to find out , so I decided to talk to God about it

Me: hi god, how are you
God : busy boy, u people are keeping me so busy.
and to think I created you just 'cause I felt lonely.
Now I am overworked.
I created a masterpiece, and it is coming back to haunt me.

God: alright what do u want. speak up

Me: I was just wondering. I seem to have similarity with Brad Pit and Tom Cruise in looks.
Also on the brainy side , I must have something close to Stephen Hawking.
Is there something to it.

God: hmm... about looks
well u see, before making a masterpeice, the artist has got to clean up his brushes.
well before making Brad Pit and Tom Cruise, I had to do it.
So now u know, how u were created.

Me : ouchh..

God : well u don't need to be too upset about it. I created Stephen Hawking before you.
Boy he took away a lot of Brain ink. So I had very little left for my other master potraits movie stars. So I decided to clean the bottle on you. It was more like wipping the bottle edges. But well , u know u were luckier than the two who came after you :)

God: so are you leading a worthy life now. You know you have to come back to me after your life.

Me : you know god, I think I was too bored in heaven. It was more like a military regiment with you controlling everything. I take this life as a vacation.
and when vacationing, you never think of your work.

God : Hey u better behave, otherwise I will fate it, that you never find a girl. If you mail one, she will never reply. If you ask her number, well she will give you the number of mental hospital.

Me : well u know, as u said , in these matters, heaven is great. so I guess I can meet girls once I am back in heaven.

God : well who said u are coming back in heaven.

Me : hey for 60 years of vacationing, u can atmost punish me for only 60 years in hell. then u have to let me in.

God : says who

Me : this is absolute cheating. you are breaking the rules of punishment.

God : so now. my rules are comng to haunt me.

Me : as an afterthought, can I stay in this vacationing forever. you know I like it here. maybe some new science that can let me live forever.

God : hold on .. there..
u want to be an immortal human. Well someday science will find the secret. But I will make sure to bring you back , before that. I cannot stand you there for another 30-40 years, leave alone forever. enjoy while you can.

Me : 30 years , well Thanks. I will take it to heart, oops I mean brain. so long . chau.

God : Hey but do remember to thank me from time to time.

Me : Well I will do all my thanking when I come back to you . chau chau.

connection cut.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

one-on-one meeting

A new manager joined our company.
The enthusiastic poor soul, called up a group meeting and declared on the lines and voice of mosses.
I will meet all of you personally and get to know you well.

A man of his words, he send meeting request to meet each person.
and I too got it.
someone wants to meet and hear me. Ohh, this is great. There is someone like that still in the company.

So today was the D-Day. I finished my lunch early and at the appointed time, knocked on his door.
( yes I can go to meetings and at correct time , atleast i have done it once now)

me : hi we had a meeting planned now.
manager : Ohh I didn't cancel it
Grrr someone (or possibly everyone) has told him about me. He has been warned.
But how can I give up so easily.

me: no you didn't. Infact I had to cancel fixing the bug, which is holding up a release for your meeting. now i cannot even work on the bug, since I have given the hardware to someone else.
( ofcourse all lies. i don't intend to work on the bug for the next whole week. but hey look, I am creative)

manager: alright. I guess a short meeting is fine.

I jump inside and take a seat, before he changes his mind.
Then quickly go back and close the door ( shouldn't let him run out in middle of meeting) and place my chair between himself and door.

The manager obviously unaware of all the planning, starts the meeting. Poor soul.

manager: so what do you want to do
me : I want to start my own company. ( hahaha, he never saw this coming).

but he is not really a lame person. so he tries to get around.

manager : lets talk about your professional "technical" interests.
me : well I once wrote a few quality papers.

hahahaha except no one read it
I am thinking of the paper, but i don't remember the name of it. even i read it only once after i wrote it. can't remember the name, so I take the escape exit

me : u can google in net for it

manager : so tell me about your overall work experience.
wow, now i know the guy is real slow.
but well U don't throw away an oppurtunity like that.
well I went on a 10 minute travel down my experience lane, explaining my field.
and like a true indian, I claimed thy neighbours field as thy fields as well.

manager : okie ... alright... what do u think about the company

And so I started again explaining the great potential of company and the people.
I joined 3 weeks before him and hardly know even the guy in the next cubicle.
but the manager doesn't know how new I am.

So finally after all my dim mak actions, the manager said goodbye.
I am sure he won't meet me again though.
so waiting for next balli ka bakra

jungle book

how i wish to be moglee. actually look like one, only I don't get to have all that much fun

well except of baloo , it is my manager who is swinging me.
and believe me, it is not as much fun


Phew, had a long week and weekend in office.
Finally seems to be all behind me. wonder if there is a job with no work and free money.

so back to scratching the board.